Presence

In accepting the invitation to join a Metta Circle, we invite you to be present in the following ways:

1. Intention:
   Like any human endeavour, the Metta Circle is shaped by the intentions that participants bring to it.
   You are invited to participate with the awareness and intention of healing yourself, and holding space for others as they heal themselves.
   If your intention is only to support the healing of others (for example, because you want to help others by sharing your experience and wisdom), where you are not seeking healing for yourself, then this invitation is not for you at this time. Please find other ways to be of service; for example, organizing workshops, conducting retreats, writing articles, creating content on social media, etc.
2. Holding Space:
   The "Operating System" of the Metta Circle is Holding Space. Please read more here.
3. Permission to be Vulnerable:
   Please give yourself permission to be vulnerable – the process of healing may lead to rekindling uncomfortable memories. But how fast or how slow is up to you – it can take time to trust your voice, and the people in the circle, and for some people it can take longer than others; whatever time it takes, is the right time for you.
   Another way to think of this is to give your inner child permission to speak. We invite you to read more about the concept of your Inner Child here.
4. Strive to be aware of your emotional state:
   If anything makes you feels unsafe, you do not have to endure it (you can get up and walk away without having to provide reasons; you can ask for a speaker to stop or pause; etc). 
   As Metta Circles are not professionally facilitated therapy, there is no one who can take the responsibility for a professional response (e.g. to provide psychological first aid if you have a meltdown when you speak, or when you hear a particularly triggering experience shared by another participant.)
   If you have a diagnosis (e.g. PTSD, C-PTSD, Neurodivergence) and/or are aware of the accommodations you need (especially  triggers to avoid), opening up about them can help others to hold space for you.
5. Strive to be conscious of how your words might impact others:
   Something that you feel comfortable to speak about may be distressing for others because it can trigger unpleasant memories. It can be helpful to disclose potential triggers before you speak.
   Admin note: We are still looking for a gentle introduction to Trigger Warnings applicable to our context; in the meantime, you could review these: for books, for classrooms, and for online forums.
6. Confidentiality:
   To support others in being vulnerable, please maintain confidentiality.
   What is shared in the Metta Circle should remain in the Circle.
7. Refrain from offering unsolicited advice
   This is an important aspect of Holding Space. Please do not assume you have a role, or responsibility, to “help” others or “fix” their problems.
   It is better to even NOT ask “can I give you some advice?”, because that places the burden on the other of having to decline. Let us trust that if someone wants advice, and feels safe in the circle to ask for it, they will ask.
   While you may speak about how someone else’s story made you feel, please avoid statements like “Well, actually, I would have…”.
8. Respect different forms of participation:
   Silence, not making eye contact, not expressing emotions, etc does not mean a lack of participation – let's respect that each person participates in the way that is “right” for them.
9. Do not speak over others / seek to diminish or invalidate their experiences and opinions:
   For example, if a women shares an experience of feeling unsafe in public transport, someone else (man or woman) asserting “I have never felt unsafe in public transport” is an example of speaking over. This is not a caucus and it is not necessary to reach a consensus.
   Instead, we invite you to consider the reasons why someone else felt unsafe in a situation that you have never felt unsafe in.
   Also, if someone is talking about their experience with migraine, saying “I understand, I sometimes have headaches too” is not validating.
10. Do not compare your experience to others
    Sometimes playing “my trauma is bigger than your trauma” or “at least my trauma isn’t as bad as their’s” can be a coping mechanism for trauma. But we believe it does not contribute towards creating a safe space and request that you do not do so.